In the last few months, I’ve made some important and positive changes in my life. I’ve been letting people know when I catch up with them, but I’d like the changes to be in the open. Hence this post, which is a self-indulgent update on my life for people who either care about me or take an interest in me. I’m not writing this to make any kind of larger point or statement, and none of this is newsworthy. Please don’t ruin my day by linking to this post from a tech blog.
tl;dr:
- For the first time since July of 2011, my primary residence is not in California. I’ve moved back to the East Coast of the United States and will be spending most of my time there.
- For now, I’m living with my mom in upstate New York, somewhere between Poughkeepsie, NY and Danbury, CT. My mom has several health conditions, including chronic pain and memory impairment, that my sister and I have been helping her manage. My sister has been local, and until recently, I’ve been a painful ~3,000 miles (roughly 4,800 kilometers) away.
- The impact I’ve been able to have in the time I’ve been here so far has been reassuring; I’m so happy to be nearby and able to help. And I love my mom and sister. It’s healing to be able to cook for and have dinner with them more than a week or two out of the year.
- Eventually, I plan to live somewhere between Brooklyn, NY and Somerville, MA. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to move, but I’m not in a rush. I’m spending some much-needed quality time with my family while I figure things out.
- I still work at Apple on passkeys, password management,
the best feature ever made, and more generally, app/website authentication technologies as a software engineer. I feel and have reason to believe that my best work is still ahead of me. :) - This means that I no longer manage the Authentication Experience team. The team is now managed by one of its founding engineers and is in excellent hands. I couldn’t be happier with the direction the team is going, and it’s so cool that I’m still working with the team I founded.
- I’ll be visiting the San Francisco Bay Area regularly for work purposes.
I feel really, really good about these changes and I’m thankful I’ve been able to make them. I appreciate the support I’ve gotten from my friends, my colleagues, and especially my manager.
Imagined Questions and Actual Answers
When did this all happen?
My role at work changed in October and I moved in late November.
How did you figure out you wanted to move back to the East Coast?
It’s complicated. I’ve known for over half of my time in California that I’ve wanted to leave, but I felt like I would never do anything to make it happen — that I was stuck.
What finally changed is that the anxiety I felt from being isolated during the (ongoing) COVID pandemic all but broke me. To cope, I finally started regular talk therapy. Years of therapy and talking things out with close friends helped me realize that I could prioritize leaving California, and no matter what else happened, things would be OK. I would be OK. That I have the support and skills to disrupt things and land on my feet.
So you live in New York state now? Can we hang out?
Yes! If we’re friends, please reach out. I can easily take a train down to the city or drive further upstate, to Connecticut, or into Boston, especially if I can crash with you.
I’m outside of that area, but can you come and visit me?
Yes! If we’re friends, please reach out. I want to spend more time with people who I care about, so even if we’ve fallen a bit out of touch, I’d love to hear from you.
Also, if you or someone who you know lives in a metro area and would like your house and/or pets looked after while you travel, please get in touch. My lifestyle now supports some modest, low-effort travel that’s fun for me and potentially helpful to other people.
At one point, didn’t you try really hard to get far away from where you’re now living in upstate New York?
Absolutely. I am struck by how much has changed — how much I’ve changed. I’ve rearranged some important aspects of my life to work better with my priorities, but also, I have ways of mitigating the downsides of living in a rural area that I didn’t have when I was in high school, like having the familiarity and resources to get on an airplane.
Whether or not “everything” “works out”, right now, I am so relieved that I finally did something.
If you made it this far, thanks for caring. 💚